A riptide recently pulled Ariana into open water off the shore of Santa Monica. She thinks it’s her closest brush with death thus far. A lifeguard rescued her.

Even before the incident in Santa Monica, Ariana had a deep fear of water and drowning—so deep that she wondered if some previous version of herself sunk in a shipwreck.

The are different kinds of panics, some more helpful than others.

Music: The Black Spot

Episode produced by Jeff Emtman with help from Bethany Denton. Please review us on Apple Podcasts.

The $1* DIY Hydrophone

1. Find a condom
2. Rinse the lube off
3. Dry it out
4. Put it on a microphone
5. Tie off end w/ rubber band

* Microphone not included. Cheaper if you buy in bulk.

This "pro tip" brought to you by our Instagram feed

What's a life worth? About $25, before shipping. At least, that's the case if you want a high-quality inbred lab mouse, like the C57BL/6J (in the biz, they just call them "black mice").

In this episode of Here Be Monsters, Jeff Emtman joins "The Scientist," an unnamed cancer researcher, for an after-hours trip to his lab, where they visit the hundreds of lab mice that he tends to. The Scientist's job is to inject his mice with cancer cells, then attempt to cure them using experimental treatments. After the cancers become too large, he kills the mice.

The Scientist says that he is not a satanist, despite the satanic art that covers much of his body. Instead, he considers himself a utilitarian, someone who believes that sacrifices must be made to promote the most good for the most beings (human or otherwise). And "sacrifice" is actually the technical term he and others use for killing the mice. The Scientist admits that it is a euphemistic word, but defends it because "from their sacrifice, you gain knowledge."

In his lab, the death comes via carbon dioxide, which is often thought to be the most painless option (though it has critics). Other labs use cervical dislocation--though generally there's a requirement that the animal must be unconscious first.

After the lab, Jeff and The Scientist sit out on a porch drinking beer, discussing the path to becoming a scientist, The Scientist's admiration of Neil Degrasse Tyson, and the beautiful French animated film, Fantastic Planet.

Music: Lucky Dragons, The Black Spot, Flowers

Jeff Emtman wearing his protective garb prior to entering The Scientist's lab.

The Scientist points to the spot where he injects cancer cells into lab mice.

Trailer for "Fantastic Planet" (1973). AKA "La Planète sauvage".

Here Be Monsters

HBM088: Riptides and a Sinking Ship

HBM050: The Scientist is not the Angel of Death